Tuesday, May 14, 2013

"Unexpectedly," Jay the Carney Barker has a Very Bad Week

Conservative commentators have oft-noted one amusing tic of the MSM water carriers, namely: when something bad, but utterly predictable, happens as a direct result of one of President Light Worker's executive spell castings -- "Begone, Basic Laws of Economics!" "I hereby Banish Fox News and All Impudent Contrary Facts from My Sunny Chicago Reality!" -- Barry's media Supplicants and Tingly-Legged Adulators are always, always taken by surprise.

What the heck? Dr. Krugman said the kajillion dollar Obama coin would pay off the debt, fix the Euro and provide funding for much-needed Green research into mobile, solar powered partial birth abortion clinics.  That all of this has not come to pass must be the nefarious work of the Koch Brothers! 

Thus, Obamacare's perplexingly spiraling costs -- for mandating free, expanded health coverage to millions of new insureds, none of whom can be rejected for pre-existing conditions -- Unexpected!  That criminals and crazy people don't seem to abide by gun control laws -- even bilingually-correct laws written IN STERN ALL CAPS (PISTOLO FREE CASA!) -- infuriatingly Unexpected.  That Islamist fanatics are still trying to kill us, even after The One's masterful, America-flagellating Cairo speech and all that ongoing Muslim outreach by NASA -- Unexpected! That the planet-saving, tax payer-subsidized Chevy Volt is not outselling the gas-sucking Camaro, or even the RonCo Salad Spinner -- Unexpected!  That the economy is still growing more slowly than Joe Biden's hair plugs -- Unexpected! Why, that masses of ungrateful school children are throwing away Michelle's mandatory healthy bean sprout cake and organic tofurkey muffin lunches, and are instead trading Ring Dings and fully leaded Coke and Pepsi products on a thriving black market -- Unexpected!

But you know what has been the most unexpected thing that happened this week? -- and this was truly unexpected: some rogue members of the tranquilized media herd have actually started asking questions of this administration.  Yes, I know: "Unexpected" doesn't quite capture it.  Un-freaking Unfathomable is more like it.  And these are not just "60 Minutes" quasi-hard ball questions like "Jay, how can the President be so dreamy and yet so commanding, all at once?" or "Jay, reports are that Michelle's dress for the Clooney gala is an unprecedented Vera Wang and Versace collaboration. Can you confirm that?"

No, these new, unexpected questions are actually focused on getting at ... the truth. 

The truth about why the administration changed the Benghazi story from what everyone in the intelligence community knew immediately (terrorist attack by Al Qaeda) to a laughable fable about an offensive video. The truth about why the Administration -- Barack, Susan and the rest of the cast and crew -- then peddled that lie for weeks, until Hillary shrewishly thundered: "At this point, you slavering right wing mopes!, what difference does a stained dress and some cattle futures make?! ... um, I mean, four inconveniently dead people mucking up my 2016 Presidential aspirations!? No freaking difference! Now, I need to go see to it that my plane is retro-fitted with a custom gold leaf bidet for my successor, Viscount Kerry."  

The truth about why the good, well-meaning folks at the IRS decided that if 1) you were a Tea Partier (or if Brian Ross reported that you had Tea Party mannerisms or Tea Party movie rental habits), or 2) had a jingoistic penchant for loudly singing all the lyrics of the national anthem at sporting events, or 3) listened to Rush (not Canadian drum savant Neil Peart's Rush -- fascist radio fat guy, Rush), or 4) thought the Constitution was Dead and should be taught in public school, or 5) attended a snake-handling Evangelical church, or 6) shopped way too often at Walmart -- you were properly subject to a variety of "Holder- Approved Harrassments."  Including: enhanced scrutiny protocols, audits, vigorous, medically-approved (by Ms. Sebelius, who always wanted to be a nurse-assistant for Dr. Kevorkian, but she had no bedside manner) anal probes and, if you laughed at the "Birther" joke your Uncle Cletus once told at the family reunion, maybe a shared cell with Wesley Snipes (who made the mistake of admitting he favored water-boarding terrorists during his IRS polygraph session).

And poor, incoherent, blind-sided Jay Carney simply can't process what is happening.  Frankly, it's not fair: the sycophants are not performing their agreed-upon role, even after Valerie Jarrett read them the riot act during a private conference call.  Yet, they continue to challenge Mr. Carney's explanations -- even after he used the hypnotic control phrase: "Fox News."  That imprecation always works, but seemingly even it -- at least momentarily -- has lost its talismanic power.  Yes, a few members of the 4th Estate immediately calmed down, lowered their hands and went back to texting Ezra Klein, but far too many others kept pressing the issues.

Here's the scary reality: if someone can't figure out how to play the race card on all this, and right quick, this might turn out to be a very unexpected and unwelcome "transparent" next few months for The Lithe, Naked Emperor.  (What would wise Bill Ayers do about this predicament? Probably have a stiff drink, put some nails and a timer in a crock pot, and mail it to John Boehner.  But that solution does not poll-test very well at the moment.)