Gwossary of Isaac and Riley-isms

I have nothing funny to say at the moment. I was going to do some Food Commandments and include the Evil Sauces and Vile Creamy Dressings flow chart, but I'm not feelin' it. So, as a mediocre substitute, here's a list of words, phrases and technical terms commonly used by my sons in their everyday speech. I'm not sure why I thought that would be enjoyable to read about, but that's the thin gruel I'm serving up this evening.

"Tokyos": Isaac's completely random name for Skittles candy. We can usually figure out the derivations of the boys' words, but Tara and I have no idea where this one came from. I'm just glad Isaac isn't old enough to be in school. Had he blurted this out during kindergarten snack time ("I'm having some wed and yellow Tokyos"), I'm sure he would have been suspended for culturally insensitive hate speech.

"Pork chop": Again, somewhat bizarrely, this is what Isaac called his chalk board. "Daddy, I want to draw you a spessal picture on my pork chop. I tried to draw a spessal picture on Riwee's face but he was mean and would not yet me and then Mommy gave me two spankings."

"Baddy Boody!": Precise meaning unknown. We believe its etymology can be traced back to Riley, who used to call the movie "Toy Story" -- featuring Buzz Lightyear and cowboy Woody -- Budd en Oody. Isaac latched on to this, morphed it into Baddy Boody and has made it one of his signature "Isaac's brain is now fully controlled by No-Nap Delirium" nonsense phrases that he likes to yell over and over as he sprints around the house. He also likes to blurt it out at the dinner table, in combination with the forbidden word 'Toopid (stupid) to see if he can get Riley to say it with him. This usually occurs after Riley has dumped his dinner on the floor and is rubbing the greasy plate in his hair, while Isaac is dipping his fork in his milk and drizzling it on the table like Jackson Pollack. After Isaac has been warned that one more artistic milk dripping will result in his iniquitous buttocks being smiteth, yea verily, he busts out the BB:

"Baddy Boody! Baddy Boody! 'Too-pid! Hahaha! Say it Wiwee! Baddyboodytoopid, Baddyboodytoopid, BADDYBOOOOOODYTOOPID! Noooo Daddy! No spankings. I ready to yissen ..."

Ayigator: Riley's name for "Gatorade." "More Ayigator, Daddy? More? Me holding Ayigator?" (Daddy foolishly allows Riley to "holding" the Ayigator and drink out of the plastic container; Riley over-tilts the bottle causing an Ayigator tidal wave, and Ayigator spills all over the couch. Then Mommy calls Daddy other names, which she spells out so the children won't hear.)

Guessing Room: What Isaac calls the Guest Room in our house. "Daddy, Daddy, can we go in the guessing room and pway games on the 'pooter? Riwee should not come with us in the guessing room because he will throw up yes actually he will Daddy because uh Daddy yissen Daddy Riwee threw up at breakfast and he cannot do dat in the nice guessing room."

Maybe tomorrow I'll provide my readership with a long, venomous rant about Mrs. Helen Keller Magoo, the lady in front of me in the Sheetz parking lot who pulled her car to the very right hand side of the massively wide exit area and then tried to turn LEFT. After I and the 10, now 11, now 15 other irate drivers waiting to turn Right sat behind this awful woman through three light cycles, we dragged her from her car and stoned her to death with rock hard Shmagels and Shmuffins. As I later explained to Isaac, you should never stone people unless they are Reewy, Reewy 'Toopid and Bwocking the Exit Yane.