Unfrozen Caveman Blogger Say: Now Me Pretty Big Deal

"And thus began one of the great literary works of our time."

Tony's Mom, on the haunting first line -- 'Last night I dreamt of setting Manderley, my sister's stupid guinea pig, on fire again' -- of his award winning 5th grade Anti-Fire Prevention Essay.

If my Mom could actually log onto her computer from the Pleistocene Era, she'd no doubt say the same about this, my inaugural blog post.

Childhood fame changes people. After that essay, followed by my critically acclaimed series of hilarious family Christmas newsletters and my PUBLISHED Letter to the Editor of Sports Illustrated (in which I, channeling Mencken, called Rick Reilly a "bigger buffoon than Dennis Rodman." Classic stuff.) -- I was burnt out. Disillusioned with the industry. So, I stopped writing for money and lived off the residuals. Then I went insane and decided to go to law school.

But my dedicated readers, who have so enjoyed my Pulitzer-worthy email rants about timely and important issues of the day -- Pinhead Drivers; The Heinous Evil that is Mayonnaise; My Attempts To Have My Feces Eating Dogs Euthanized Without My Wife's Knowledge; Why One Should Never Eat A Mystery Crumb Even if One is Nearly Certain it Fell Off a Delectable Entenmann's Danish -- have demanded that I keep churning out the drivel.

So, this is for the American People. (Note: Because I have advanced, bi-lateral Procrastination Syndrome -- thank you for your letters -- with secondary Slothfulness, I may not be able to post as consistently as some other professional bloggers. I think if the nine people who ultimately read this check back every Memorial Day, they'll likely be rewarded with fresh content.)

That's all for now. In a few years, I hope to have my bio up, and maybe some pictures. If my three year old son Isaac could read, he'd say: "Daddee, this bwog is not very good. The moon is up and you need to go to sweep."

Indeed.