The Day Our Son Changed his Middle Name

Recently, wacky LA Laker Ron Artest has made the news for changing his name to "Metta World Peace." (His second choice was "Metta Involuntary Commitment Proceeding Is Needed By Ron Ron.")  Anyway, that got me reflecting on the day -- about a year ago -- that our 3 year old, Riley, announced that he was dissatisfied with his middle name, and was legally changing it.

Here's a brief recap, as I recorded it for the family archives:

Riley is our free spirit. He kind of wanders happily thru life, occasionally stopping to head-butt something, or ask, quite loudly, in the middle of the grocery store why Daddy's poops are so big. He likes to relax on the living room couch wearing his Elmo tighty whitey underpants and snow boots. He's a funny boy.


Last weekend, we were at my sister's home. She also has a three year old boy, Laird. At some point during the day, Laird was not behaving (I don't remember the precise infraction; it may have involved the exposing of the firm, Lairdly buttocks at an unwelcome time during his sister's birthday party). My sister, as all parents do when expressing extreme displeasure, invoked Laird's middle name: "Laird John!" Riley, not familiar with the whole middle name concept, was confused by this. The following conversation ensued:

(Riley, wearing his quizzical face) "Daddy, what is Laird John?"

"Well, John is Laird's middle name."

"Mibblename? What is mibblename?"

"No, Riley, miDDle name. Laird is his first name, and his middle name is John."

"Why?"

"Because that's what Uncle Peter and Aunt Nicole named him."

(Riley, stonefaced, ponders this for a while.)

"What is named my middle name?"

"Your middle name is Edward. Riley Edward Lucido."

(Riley, expressionless, considers this information with the seriousness of a patient who has just been informed he has an inoperable brain tumor. After about a minute passes, he narrows his eyes and furrows his brow with extreme displeasure.)

"No."

"No, what?"

"My middle name is not named Edward."

"Riley, yes it is. That's what Mommy and Daddy named you, after your Grandpa."

"No. My middle name is ... Budward. Riley Budward."

He nodded his head in satisfaction, as if this proclamation had set the universe right again. And then he turned and walked away. Conversation over.

So now we have a son named Budward. Lame-O Edward is out, chick magnet, Budward is in. Lord knows where he came up with it -- it sounds like the nickname for the guy at the frat house who did the most keg stands -- but as far as Riley is concerned, he is Riley Budward Lucido, of Pennsylvania Harrisburg, and anyone who says different will be swiftly informed of their error.