Must we disclose that the prior owners died from radon poisoning?

If all goes according to plan, we are hoping to list our house for sale in the next two or three months and then join the nearest Branch Davidian commune.

This is the perfect time to sell, because: home sales are booming! Also, it's the middle of winter, everything looks drab and desolate, and the unscoopable, rock hard piles of frozen dog poop (courtesy of our two fecund Labs) that have melded with our back lawn will charm any prospective buyer.

Did I mention that we have two boys, ages 3 (Isaac) and 2 (Riley) who like to sprint around our dining room table while wearing, respectively, dirty socks on his hands like mittens (Isaac) and a green plastic bucket on his head (Riley) -- while screaming "I Smash You!" "No, I Shmash Youuuuu!" at each other? They will be a huge help during the arduous boxing and packing phase.

We're expecting a baby girl in March -- not making that up -- and nothing eases the crushing stresses of the moving process like a newborn with, say, reflux and hives from dog allergies. Ok, enough negativity. Even I must concede that it will be easy to keep our home looking neat and clean at all times, what with the Captains of Chaos roaming free, strategically placing mounds of trucks, blocks, discarded sippy cups and shards of half eaten pieces of toast in every room.

Universal Selling Point in Our Favor: the thick clumps of black dog hair that roll like tumbleweeds across our hard wood floors and into our morning breakfast cereal. Realtors traditionally view this as a potential "turn off" -- but rampant dog hair that seems to magically regrow itself 15 minutes after vacuuming is now considered "chic and desirable" according to PETA.

Fortunately, we live in a stately brick farm house, built in 1860, that requires very little up keep. Thus, the only items on our "before you sell" list are minor, cosmetic fixes, like:

1) Locate source of pesky gas leak and duct tape it;
2) Throw area rug over basement sink hole;
3) Have boys color in with burgundy magic marker large areas on dining room wall where they ripped off pieces of ornate wall paper that is a discontinued pattern and cannot be replaced;
4) Place large chair in front of annoying electrical outlet in living room that constantly sparks and melts all the extension cords;
5) In-ground, 1,000 gallon oil tank may have slow leak. Tap water still looks and tastes fine. Ignore.
6) Fill in gaping craters idiot dogs dug in back yard with sand from Isaac's sand box. If Isaac sees this and cries, pacify him with bag of colored marshmallows. Or give him Skittles and let him play with Mommy's good jewelry. Make him promise not to drop it down "the hole" in the dining room floor.
7) Wood at base of garage doors is rotting. Looks bad. Try to conceal with Tara's decorative rocks from garden.
8) Refinished pine floors in dining room have deep, ugly scratches from spastic dogs' raptor claws. Get gallon of Polyurethane. Pour in dogs' water bowls. Kill dogs.
9) Water still pooling on roof of front porch. Plan all open houses on days when not raining.
10) Look into "cloud on title" issue.